Letters

The Letters section is now closed to new submissions. Thanks to everybody who sent their thoughts and support.

June 22, 2004

Sirs

Oh what a terrible website. You horrible people. How could you have so little respect for Reagan and his loved ones? Especially since America is still mourning the loss of our great president. How tasteless and egregiously offensive. I’m shocked and sickened by…oh wait, I get it ! So he’s not dead after all.

In that case keep up the great work. Please wake me when it’s Morning in America again.

yours

Col. Leggi Mountbatten.

June 18, 2004

Maybe they will appoint zombie strom to his Cabinet. Strom died in the early 80’s and the government decided not to tell anyone. So he already has zombie experience in the White House. Do you think the White House could handle two zombies at once? Or do you think Strom and Ronnie would attack people on the tours? They both ate so many brains when they were alive, what are a few tourist a week?

Dear Sirs,

Congratulations on an excellent website. I applaud your heroic campaign and your brave vision of openly undead leadership in 2004. Astonishingly forward thinking. Our nation is in your debt.

I wonder if you may lend me your ears, sirs for a moment.

After President Reagan’s recent five year long funeral drew to a close ( I myself could not attend, through no fault of my own - mourners were shuffling too slowly past his sarcophagus. This rather annoyed me at the time, but I believe now that this perambulation, this shambling and shuffling was performed out of respect for the undead, an act steeped in Zombie symbolism) I realised that a chapter in our great Nation’s history had drawn to a close. Like most of my fellow Americans, this troubled me a great deal. Looking back on those dark days immediately after Reagan’s ‘funeral’, I believe I began to form in my mind a kind of notional vision of America’s future in the 21st century. Certainly at that time it was not a clear idea, more a sort of dark, malformed cloud. With hindsight, I think it’s fair to say that something was brewing in all of our minds. During the following days, this vision gradually became clearer in the nation’s collective psyche - though it was not openly discussed in the liberal media of course (the real issues in America never are.) And at that time, I think we all instinctively knew what needed to be done. It was nothing less than national unity, in the greatest nation on Earth- everyone was thinking and feeling the SAME THING with a supreme perspicacity!! It was incredible - a nation as one, clear on it’s direction and aims. Yes. Yet still, no one would come forward, to say what needed to be said. Finally, one brave website came forward to voice what had been, up to that point in tiime, only discussed behind closed doors with our loved ones and most trusted confidantes. That message, that bold new vision? - that the real “Project for the New American Century” must begin here and now with one swift and decisive masterstroke - the immediate reanimation of the corpse of Ronald Reagan and it’s re-installation in the White House. The way forward has never been clearer.

A new American century indeed sirs. But what will this mean for the rest of the world?? To place this epochal event in a global perspective: America can once again be at the forefront of global technological innovation in death defying reanimative techniques. We can resume our place centerstage in world affairs and restore our lost respect around the globe by following Reagan’s tried and trusted considered political ideology, that of “Compassionate Zombieism.”

And as for exporting the American “way of life” and our values around the world - we shall be an inspiration for the resurrection of deceased leaders the world over. In fact this has already begun - Mr Michael Howard MP, leader of the Conservative Party in the United Kingdom, has recently accquired the rights to reanimate another great leader from the 1980’s, Lady Magaret Thatcher, as and when this becomes necessary. When that time comes, I understand that Zombie Thatcher shall be at the centre of his party’s bid for a return to Government. “The Iron Zombie”, as she shall be known on the campaign trail, back in partnership with her shuffling partner Zombie Reagan shall undoubtedly mark the beginning of a new dusk in world affairs. I, for one, can barely conceal my excitement at the thought of the falling of this glorious night. Those Massachusetts liberals shall no longer hide under cover of darkness!

Ah but to practical matters, sirs. As for the competition - I notice that some of our more astute friends have written to the site alluding to the possibility of Democrat candidate Kerry’s undead status.This is patently not the case. It’s true that through some extraordinary demonstration of nature’s cruelty, he has a natural Zombie look and feel about him, but he is not in fact a bona fide reanimated, flesh eating, living dead night crawler. At first glance, a man who so strongly resembles the living dead seems an odd choice for Presidential candidate. But as usual, the Democrats are vote pandering and flip flopping, reneging on their 2000 campaign promise to get tough on the undead and the causes of reanimation. This promise was never a popular one, as it alienated conservative southern “bible belt” Zombies* who may have otherwise swung to the Democrats over their other election promise of free limbs and surgical offcuts for all Zombies below the poverty line (those liberals and their state handouts! you’ll also notice brazen flip flopping in the same election manifesto!!) Thus, in a transparent attempt to pander to the all important reanimated demographic they have picked a Herman Munster lookalike as their candidate. Therefore, much needs to be made of Zombie Reagan’s genuinely reanimated state when we slog it out on the campaign trail this summer. Perhaps we could even feed Zombie Reagan during one the live televised debates nearer election day - fake Zombie Kerry will certainly not be able to match that. It would surely be a coup de grace, scooping up the undead swing voters and the various unholy fringe elements who are not yet convinced of the need for a shambling night crawler as “cadaver in chief.” They need to know that Zombie Reagan’s really just an everyday creature of the night, just like them. Then they’ll vote for him. One caveat though - from a practical standpoint come the election. They may shamble aimlessly around in undeath, but we cannot allow them to do the same on polling day. Polling stations must be kept plentifully stocked with brains to maintain their interest. Every vote counts!

No campaign can be won without fundraising, even given the novelty appeal an undead candidate will enjoy. May I propose you set up a campaign fundraising section on your website, a place where Patriotic Americans like myself can donate to the cause, lopping off a limb or two, slicing off a spouse’s ear perhaps, axing an appendage eg trimming off a toe - that kind of thing. It would not be such a big price to pay after all. Especially enthusiastic donors should be encouraged to donate brains of course - for as we know brains shall be at the heart of his election campaign. I would like to get the ball rolling as it were by donating the 90% of my brain that apparently is not used in everyday life. I hope that this can foster similar outpourings from my fellow Americans, for such an important cause as this I believe we could all stand to give at least a third of our brains. Our nation would not suffer a marked or otherwise noticeable drop in productivity.

Finally, might I suggest a catchy slogan, something to both appeal to voter patriotism and exploit fears over homeland security, for example “vote Bush/Zombie Reagan - because America is at deathcom one.” This would undoubtedly be an effective fundraising tool. I also believe it would be helpful to bolster voter confidence in the undead by showing that Zombie Reagan is a discerning wraith, a corpse of taste and style - one who will eat only the brains and the more toothsome body parts, discarding the remainder and donating it to less fortunate reanimates. To show this, may I suggest the slogan “No child’s left behind.” Should there be any vacancies on your campaign management team I would certainly wish to contribute.

Once again sirs I congratulate you. Keep up the good work. By working together and “staying the corpse” as one of our associates put it on your slogans page, come November we can all look forward to Morning in America, again.

most sincerely

Miss Colattely Sisters

* the so-called “bible belt” Zombies are the most vocal, the most politically active of all the undead. They conisder reanimation a God given right, as shown by the miracles in the Bible. Their own candidate in the 2000 election was none other than the oldest night stalker of them all - Zombie Lazarus. He secured over three quarters of the crucial southern Zombie fringe in polls during the run up to the election. However, his campaign fell apart soon after he did and what was left of him was forced to withdraw in different directions.

Are people in this country that frickin stupid and fickle! That is a rhetorical question, because the obvious answer is YES! I cannot believe that the remorse and nostalgia for a former President is enough to sway the American public, or a portion of it, to believe that our current President is somehow a better leader because of the death of Reagan. Come on people… Let’s keep our eyes on the ball here. Reagan’s death does not erase any of W’s faults, errors and flagrant lies to the American people. Does Reagan’s death somehow erase the fact that this week the 9/11 panel overwhelmingly released data that showed NO LINK at all between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda, and that President Dumb-ya went out on the White House lawn yesterday and again claimed that their was a link? He is still trying to sell us on the idea that he was a threat because he was harboring and supplying terrorists. Does Reagan’s death forgive him of those sins somehow? Does Reagan’s death make it OK that he lied in order to scare the American public into supporting a war that never should have happened? Does Reagan’s death wash the blood over 1,000 American soldiers and countless Iraqi citizens off his hands? Does a funeral procession make it possible for us all to forget the abuse of Iraqi prisoners at the hands of our leaders? And there’s more….so much more. We have 3 friends left in NATO because of the war. We are not trusted. We are the rouge nation. We have become the unpredictable superpower that could lash out at any minute. We are the Soviet Union of the 80’s. I know that is an oversimplification, but that is how the world sees us. Doe’s President Reagan’s death make that OK? We have pulled out of every treaty that we didn’t like, or more to the point, the power of this administration didn’t like. We are a threat to our own and the world at large…militarily, economically, environmentally…and on, and on, and on. Republican’s get all up in arms over a blow-job, but the loss of millions of jobs, the bald-face lies to cause war, and the inevitable loss of innocent life are OK? How hypocritical! That blow-job DID NOT KILL ANYONE! The people that hang their hats on that crap are out of their minds! Do they really equate these things as equal? If they do, then this country is in an even sadder state of affairs that I had originally thought. How is it possible that people can believe we are the protectors and the deliverers of Democracy for the world, when we can’t even defend it on our own land? The Patriot Act! Are you kidding me? That act is not patriotic. Our forefathers must have each rolled over in their graves when they heard that name. That piece of hateful legislation makes George Orwell’s Big Brother possible. It takes away your rights to freedom of speech! That is NOT democracy! Iraq is NOT democracy. The false hopes of democracy in Iraq were lost forever when our leaders decided that it was OK to violate the Geneva conventions by torturing and sexually humiliating those prisoners. I wasn’t proud of America that day, were you? Did President Reagan’s State Funeral make all of that go away? It didn’t for me, did it for you? I am not proud of Halliburton! Did Reagan’s burial on the coast, overlooking the Pacific ocean somehow erase the fact that Halliburton was handed on a silver platter the right to rebuild Iraq? As his casket was carried from the Capitol, did we all sigh and forgive the BILLIONS of dollars the massive corporation has stolen from the Federal government? Did the average, middle class American somehow figure the 300.00 tax cut they got from President Bush was worth mortgaging the futures of their children and bankrupting Social Security and Medicare? Were all those FACTS erased as the eulogies began? I just don’t get it! And let me clarify, for those of you who think me disrespectful, inappropriate, or out of place. I am by no means criticizing, glazing over, or in any other way casting doubt on the Presidency of Ronald Reagan. I liked him too. I am criticizing you, your beliefs or the lack thereof. I am questioning the patriotism of the American populace. I am questioning our current President. I am asking why aren’t you questioning him? How many of you love him because he wears his religious belief on his sleeve? How do the faithful reconcile the murder and lying he has committed? Are those not also sins? Does the Bible somewhere forgive all Presidential transgressions when a former President dies? I didn’t learn about that? Did you? Religious faith does not translate to leadership. Or does it? Many of you seem to think so. I am sick to death of people calling him, and liking him, because he is “moral” or he has “morals.” Um…hello…as Governor of Texas, he sent more death-row inmates to their deaths than anyone before or after him. Is that entirely moral, not really. Is it morally acceptable to hold a press conference with the nation and scare the crap out of the populace so you can go kill thousands based on a lie? Is it moral not to be willing, under any circumstance, to apologize for any of your mistakes? Where is the morality, where is the humility in the face of God? I am not seeing it, and more to the point, politically, it doesn’t matter if I do! Separation of church and state…heard of it? Good. I am dumbfounded by how willing people are to ignore the things that are FACTS before their eyes! I am floored that we have forgotten about all the American servicemen and women who are in Iraq for what seems to be an obvious reason…oil! I am amazed at the bigotry of this nation in the name of God…the Christian version. Has everyone forgotten that this country was founded because of religious prosecution? We have spent generations proudly speaking of the “melting pot” and now(!) this country seems to have forgotten about the separation of church and state. We live in a place were the average American citizen is willing to believe everything they hear on the news. News is not news in this nation. It’s propaganda. More to the point, it’s entertainment! It is driven by ratings and MONEY! If you wish to know the truth, don’t watch cable news. Don’t subscribe to the “no-spin zone.” It’s all spin! It’s brainwashing. Wanna be educated about the politicians. Don’t watch Bush or Kerry’s ads and then go spouting off like you have learned a fact. Go to factcheck dot org and see the real truth. Do some homework. Take the time. Don’t make the excuse that you don’t have it. We all have the time to do that. Isn’t your future a priority? You plan for retirement don’t you? Well, this process is a very important part of your retirement, so pay attention! Every election is about choosing a leader that you feel will do the best thing for this nation. Every election is about making choices based on what is best for you, best for your fellow man, and best for the legacy of this great nation. Every election is about questions, answered and not…and how to see the difference. Every election is about us. It is about what the candidates have done, not what they promise to do. It’s about voting records. Its about reality, not TV ads. And I am going to keep sending these emails and hope, in the back of my mind, you each send them of to your friends, even if you don’t agree. Because this dialog is too important to ignore. Polite about politics was buried with Reagan. He was the father of the partisan fight in America, and he took the idea of respectful debate to his grave with him. He was a forceful and artful salesman. He was the modern originator of spin. He can finally rest in peace, but we cannot. Our president is NOT at peace. He is war with the very fiber of this nation, and he is changing it in ways that should anger EVERY American! Who we are as a nation is at stake, and I will continue to challenge everyone I know, like minded or not, until I feel like we are giving the political process the thoughtful respect is not only deserves, but demands! Otherwise we are all cattle on the way to slaughter. I know that is how politicians view us, but I do not accept that as my destiny. My vote. Your vote. Every vote. Counts! President Reagan has rode off into the sunset, we are still here!

June 17, 2004

I highly recommend a novel by Phil Nutman called “Wet Work”, came out about 12 years ago or so. Eerily similar to what you guys are talking about.

I feel I must point out that the zombification causing virus (solanum) is what kills the victim. So Reagan, being dead, is out. I say, we get a sample of the virus, and infect… Ann Coulter!

Surely she would be biased, greedy, and well connected enough for the G.O.P. There are no possible problems!

They say the rich are so “evil”, but here you are dancing on Reagans grave to promote yourself and your website. I guess you’re no better than the puppet on the Right.

June 16, 2004

I find your website deeply offensive. If there’s any justice in the world, Reagan will not be allowed to join the noble ranks of the undead but will instead be reincarnated as a homeless person with AIDS.

How could you create such a website? Not only is it offensive to the Reagan family who just lost their loved one, it is also offensive to the rest of the country. Whether or not you liked Ronald Reagan as a president (I have no real opinion because I was just a young child at the time) you should respect him and his family enough to not put this up. You should be shamed of yourself. I am not going to si here and tell you to take it down, because you have the freedom of speech to put this up. However, with my freedom of speech I am not going to sit by and watch someone bash a former leader of the U.S. I hope that you realize that what you are doing is wrong especially since it was done so soon after Reagan’s death.

Steve Ryan

June 15, 2004

A few questions: First is it true that President Bush selected Reagan not because of his abilities, which have been waning for some time, but as a ploy to split the monster vote currently held by The Predator? Is it possible that Bush selected a running mate with a very low body temperature in a direct attempt to interfere with The Predator’s reliance on thermal vision? How was VP candidate Reagan reanimated? If it was through a horrible accident involving chemicals he only loses the environmental vote, which he never really had. If it was through dark magic or the misuse of some revoloutionary biotechnology he risks alienating the religious right which has had issues againt certain technologies such as cloning and can be downright hostile against minority religions such as Petwo rite Vodou.

— DK

June 14, 2004

Dear Sirs:

Are there any plans for Zombie John Wayne? The Republic’s future would be forever secure if this were to come to pass.

L. W. Orme

P.S. Leave Walt Disney in the liquid nitrogen-his reanimation would only screw things up.

Hello, I would like to begin by stating that I am only a meager 15 years of age, and sadly, unable to vote. I have been following politics for some time now, but sort of missed out on Mr. Reagan’s eight glorious years restoring our dignity and confidence from the Oval Office. However, when I read earlier this month that the former president had passed away, I was extremely excited. For too long has Mr. Reagan been trapped in the prison of Alzhiemer’s Disease. Truly, like that dude from Weekend at Bernie’s, he’s going to live more dead than he was alive. Excuse me, undead. I heard that teh 40th President was dead and I just lept up and said, “Allright! Now he can be reanimated as a flesh eating corpse and run for public office again!” Thanks to your hard efforts, this dream can come true. But I do have one question. I have never supported President Bush. In fact, I absolutely dispise the man from a political standpoint. It takes a damn good VP to make me say, “Eh, if I could vote, maybe I’d vote for him.” Reagan was good, sure, and his body is newly dead and all, but at 93, I can’t help but think that maybe the remains of someone younger would be just as fresh, albiet a tad dirty. Take John F. Kennedy for instance. He may have swung a bit to the right, but a zombie’s really just a figurehead anyway. He’ll be too busy eating people to push policies. Richard Nixon? ….maybe not. Oh, I know! What about Sonny Bono. He only died a few years ago, plus he can sing better than Ronald Reagan. Heck, if the walking dead can be on Presidential ticket, why not Dracula, the Wolf-Man, or even The Incredible Hulk? I think this opens doors, people, doors. Maybe Reagan isn’t the best choice, but the shuffling, parasite-ridden bags of embalment need to be represented. After all, they’re Americans too.

Sincerly,
Max Vande Vaarst

I don’t understand the big deal about “He’s dead! He’s dead!.” He had Alzeimer’s. He doesn’t even know he’s dead.

Are you part of the USSR? The Undead Squishies Socialist Republic? I think that’d be awesome. I’d vote.

In times like these, with a war in Afghanistan and one in Iraq, we need a commander-in-chief with a proven track record of military victory. That’s why the Dead Citizens Party has nominated Zombie-George Washington to be the next president. Although he is disappointed in Zombie-Reagan’s decision to side with the living, we are pleased to announce that Zombie-Abraham Lincoln is crossing party lines to be his running mate. Please note that Zombie-Washington was born before the 22nd amendment… WAY before! We believe the Constitution allows him to serve an additional term in office because of this. And anyway, the Dead Citizens Committee can always dig up enough votes to overturn that pesky amendment. We invite you to an official announcement, followed by a meal of brains on the half-skull and a concert by the Dead Kennedys.

Dead Citizens Committee

Dear Sirs:

It is imperative that Lucio Fulci is hired as Director of Communications and Gratuitous Gore.

L. W. Orme

June 13, 2004

I wholeheartedly endorse the Bush-ZombieReagan campaign and I feel certain that they will win the election and go on to produce great historical achievements in their next four years in office. I am confident that together they will be an unstoppable duo, crusading for the triumph of liberty, democracy, and tax cuts while killing a truly magnificent number of our hordes of enemies. Bush will create mountains of corpses the world over with his “Precision / Shock and Awe” bombing technique, and ZombieReagan will be right there behind him, devouring the brains of these corpses with an appetite that is rivaled only by his own appetite for Freedom. It brings a tear to my eye just to imagine it.

Given that I (and most people - the majority of people of course being devoted Reagan fans) believe that the scenario I’ve outlined is a certainty, I feel I must give some voice to a concern of mine regarding how we as a nation are going to memorialize Reagan / ZombieReagan as truly the greatest hero and corpse of a hero in the recorded history of civilization. Consider a few years back when the Post Office was issuing postage stamps to honor Elvis Presely. The public was faced with a choice; which portrait was going to be used - the so-called “Fat Elvis” of his late career or the “Young Elvis” of the 1950’s? As this debate raged on across the nation, it caused an incredible divide amongst our citizenry and served to fan the flames of hatred between supporters of these opposing factions, resulting in rioting and violence on several occasions.

I propose that we address this problem in advance with Reagan / ZombieReagan tributes and memorials and honors in order to avoid this kind of public uproar and controversy. For example, who will we be putting on the face of the $10 bill, $20 bill, dime, half-dollar etcetera? Reagan’s portrait or ZombieReagan’s? It has to be one or the other, clearly, but which one? It will be difficult to choose. Whose gigantic, grinning visage is going to be chiseled over Roosevelt’s on Mount Rushmore? Reagan or ZombieReagan? It would be best to begin discussing this now, so the artists and sculptors can start their planning.

I’m sure you see my point here, I could go on and on listing the various different situations where this will have to be decided, as we replace nearly all of the pictures or statues of every other historical personage in America with that of Reagan and/or ZombieReagan in order to accord them the degree of honor and acclaim they truly deserve. I propose that we as concerned citizens bring these questions to the forefront of public dialogue sooner rather than later.

Onward to Victory,

—- Ned Kelly, St. Paul Minnesota

Have a little class. The man was president of the United States or doesn’t that mean anything to you?

I bet your a Clinton loving, non church goer that thinks his affair with another woman was ok. How do you liberals do it? I mean really how do you live with yourself.

That’s pretty slick, but you don’t fool me. I know for a fact that Ronald Reagan hasn’t existed as a real person since the mid-70s at the latest. You know how Big Brother was created to put a human face on the Inner Party? Same thing with Reagan, only it was for Wall Street and the Pentagon. At some point a team of computer geeks in a basement at Ft. Meade put together a composite of ’50s sitcom dads, and ran a series of synthetic voice prototypes past focus groups (all people without living near relations, of course, so they wouldn’t be missed), to get just the right reassuring, avuncular quality. Reagan was just an earlier version of Max Headroom. Don’t you think it was awfully convenient that he developed a debilitating disease, right after he ceased to be useful, that prevented him making public appearances? You may be asking yourself, “is he really suggesting that the guy in Bedtime for Bonzo and GE Theater was a fake all along?” Not necessarily. Remember, in the Illuminatus! Trilogy, how somebody noticed the presidental portraits of Washington didn’t match his earlier images? It turned out that Adam Weishaupt, founder of the Bavarian Illuminati, murdered the real George Washington and took his place sometime between the Treaty of Paris and his first inaugural. Same thing may have happened with Reagan. But whatever the exact timeline, by the ’80s Reagan was as fake as that picture of Uncle Ben on a box of rice. Best,
Kevin

June 12, 2004

You guys laugh now but Monday the 14th (Flag day) at sundown, he will rise from the dead.

Hannity, Limbaugh, Michael Reagan will be there and then you will see……all you big Liberals.

Reagan is God….

George W. Goering.

Just one minor correction/change to suggest: If Tricky Dick Cheney is indeed bathing in the blood of republican virgins to maintain his pacemaker-death-grip on the Vice Presidency, his is not an original idea. As we have learned in the terrain (and from T.Bogg), Ann “Anntichrist” Coulter has been bathing in the blood of young virgins (and the occasional old maid, when supplies run thin) since 1867. So if Tricky Dick wants to keep his supplies up, he’d better start tipping Ann the occasional bucket o’ blood here and there.

Also, when reading your “slogans” page, I laughed so hard that my cats jumped up and ran into the wall. Both of them. Simoultaneously. And yes, I keep my doors locked at night so that Ann won’t mistake me for an old maid (I believe that intact “virginity” is required to wear the actual title of “old maid”, so I wouldn’t qualify) and suck the blood right out of me. You never know when that psycho-harpie undead-cunt may be lurking in the bushes, desperate for a blood fix.

Signed,
Joanna E. Beattie
aka “Anntichrist Coulter”

I think you are doing our nation a grave disservice by trying to draft Ronald Reagan’s re-animated corpse as Vice President. In particular, your legal analysis is off. Is a dead Saint Ronnie the same person as a live Saint Ronnie was? Arguably, no! (And do you really think that the same Supreme Court that appointed our Great Leader George W. Bush as President would not agree with my legal analysis?!). As a highly trained lawyer who has signed off on memos saying the President can set aside torture laws anytime he feels like it, I can assure you that it is both legal and proper for Ronald Reagan’s re-animated corpse to be President.

Given that, why don’t we just run him for President again? Georgie assures me that he’ll step down at the convention and run for Vice President if we can get Reagan on the campaign trail again. And think of the savings in campaign literature costs — we could re-use all of the Reagan-Bush ‘84 campaign literature again, just paste a “0” over the “8”! No no, I say let’s skip the Veep spot for Saint Ronnie’s re-animated corpse, and go straight for the bigg one: President. Four more years! Let’s hear it for the Gipper!

Yours in Legal Scholarship,
The Attorney General of the Untied States of America
http://asscroft.blogspot.com

As a citizen concerned with the direction of technological progress in the medical arena, I must protest the Bush/Zombie Reagan 2004 campaign. The researchers pursuing cryogenics and cloning advancements are sure to experience massive funding cut backs unless Zombie Reagan becomes a political embarrassment, and we know the ultra nationalist media will never allow Zombie Reagan to be vilified.

In the spirit of preserving vital technological progress I beg the G.O.P. to reconsider it’s options.

Sincerely,
Ted Williams

As is fitting for a man who makes his living from the resurrection trade (grave robbery, to the vulgar), I have always voted for the most bellicose and dim witted candidates available. This year will be no exception and I will enter the booth with more hope than usual. At long last, there is a team whose proven expertise will ensure a extraordinarily productive four years. Past performance is truly a guide to future results with a pair like them.

My trade is not considered respectable by the politically correct, but Bush/Zombie Reagan’s contribution to my bottom line will more than make up for the social discomfort I sometimes feel in so-called “decent” company. What’s more, I am certain Zombie Reagan will bring an unprecedented level of understanding to the needs of professionals like me. His unique qualifications guarantee it.

In closing, I wish to thank the Bush/Zombie Reagan 2004 organizers for their support of my dream ticket. To the haters and naysayers who may write in I say, “for shame! Your anti-zombie attitude marks you as members of the blame America first crowd”.

Warmest regards,
Harry

I wholeheartedly support the zombiereagan-bush team for ‘04, but I am an American, and I do ultimately believe in the spirit of fair play. To this end, I do therefor nominate for the Democratic ticket John Fitzgerald “half-head” Kennedy (no 22nd Amendment struggles here-if you recall, he didn’t quite make it through his first term). For his running mate, I would have suggested a father-son ticket, but I’m not sure of the feasibility of re-animating someone after a 5000 foot free fall and subsequent high-speed impact with water. In the immortal words of Mick Jagger-“You can’t always get what you want…”

Respectfully submitted,
Trent Selthun

June 11, 2004

You guys have a complete lack of class.

Why would you want to shame yourselves this way? It would be all over the news and cat calls from you libs if the shoe were on the other foot. No wonder the Democrat Party is in the downward spiral it is… It has nothing to offer but moral bankruptcy… I would be embarrassed to be associated with this type of hellish behavior. Whatever you think of President Reagan’s policy, you don’t have to make it personal. I think Jimmy Carter was an awful President, yet I recognize that he is a good man in his heart. I can say with great confidence that the conservative side of the equation will not involve itself in the sickening parody at the expense of a man who cannot defend himself… but then again… he needs no defense…

Michael Bryant

June 10, 2004

It is said that whenever Lyndon Johnson ran for office, the dead rose to cast their votes, because many Texas counties regularly recorded more votes for Johnson than they had living inhabitants. This historical fact always led me to think that the Undead tended to be Democrats - perhaps due to that party’s traditional soft spot for the welfare state (because let’s face it - the Undead have a terrible time holding down jobs. I know that’s a terribly prejudicial thing to say, but the beauty of anonymous forums is that they allow us to voice us those things that all of us think, but would never say in polite company).

Anyway - perhaps the fact that Reagan has brought an Undead face to the Republican Party will prove pivotal in states like Ohio and Missouri.

Do I win $5?

Your FAQ, under the heading “Can a zombie even hold elective office?” states:

Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office. If George W. Bush were to die during his second term (say, by being eaten by Zombie Reagan), three options exist: the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the Presidency, Congress would convene to elect a new President or the President would undergo the zombification process and complete his term.

However, according to the costitution of the United States, this is not actually the case. The 22nd amendment states:

No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once.

Note that, according to the language of the amendment, Reagan is not eligible to be ELECTED to the office of President again. In no way does it prohibit him from becoming president through other means, such as eating his President’s brain.

If it were the case that he were ineligible to become President, his candidacy for vice President would be ruled out altogether by the 12th amendment, which states:

But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

In short, Zombie Reagan is likely constitutionally eligble to be both President and Vice President, though not to be elected to the former post.

For a discussion of the constitutional issues involved in Zombie Reagan’s candidacy, see this article on CNN.com.

Thanks,
James

It is heartwarming to see that the civil rights movement marches on. The history of our country has been about inclusion, of embracing diversity, not stifling it.

Through the decades, as different groups of all races, gender, sexual preference, and undead condition struggle for equal rights and recognition, it is a welcome surprise to see the Republican party at the forefront of the civil rights revolution (for a change) putting the very first undead candidate for major office on their ballot. Who would have thought that the Republican party would be the one to champion this new direction in civil rights? Bravo!

Hopefully this will increase awareness of the lack of undead rights both in the United States and around the world. With nothing but negative images of the undead popularized by B-grade horror movies, the undead are a source of ridicule and hatred everywhere. Naturally, this is an outrage. Zombies are people too! Thank you for showing everyone that they are fit to run for political office.

Best wishes for your campaign.

—PC from NC

I’d like to throw my head into the ring for the Democratic vice presidential nomination. Since zombification I’ve felt the urge to return to political life and eat fresh brains. Plus I’ve got an interesting slug in my leg that I’d like to have necropsied.

John Connally, deceased

Great concept that will be incredibly funny 6 months to a year from now. At this point though, I think it is in extremely poor taste.

Actually, Zombie Reagan could serve as president if W passed on. The XXII amendment only prevents someone from being elected president more than twice. Of course, if W died, Al Haig would be in charge until Zombie Reagan was sworn in.

—VM, Virginia

I’ve now examined the zombie-reagan issue properly. There are 2 main problems with the site as I see it. Sadly both of them make the prospect of a Z.R. ticket both more likely and more probable.

ZR could quite legally stand for pres under the constitution as it stands. It wouldn’t even require legal bollocks akin to the recently leaked justification for dumping the Geneva Convention. Being dead would surely reset the clock. Terms served in the former RR’s lifetime would not discount him from taking-up office after death.
ZR would require the brains of young republicans to sustain him. Being dead he will have no physical need for sustainance whatsoever. Of course the flipside of this is that he will nonetheless be permanently consumed by total bloodlust completely unrelated to any real need or circumstance. In other words, war and violence would be the solution proposed by his administration for every problem AND even if somehow all the world’s problems were solved by his administration this bloodlust would remain as a unique self-justifying raison d’etre.
AND although under the current rules he would still be restricted to two terms in office, were his administration to alter the constitution allowing him to serve for longer, the ZR presidency would be literally eternal. We could not even await the death of ZR since he is already dead. The only possible exceptions to this would be if someone else managed to decapitate him or destroy his brain or the as yet unsubstantiated theory that zombies do eventually die if you wait long enough - i.e the time necessary for their bodies to literally disintegrate.
AND this is without accounting for ZR biting but not killing either other members of the administration or even the whole electorate so as to perpetuate Z power whether or not he personally retains.

So all in all, even if ZR were to come to power, serve a couple of terms and maybe initiate some useful reforms (beings with no physical needs don’t need to worry so much about climate change and Hubbert’s oil peak for example), such a move should still be vehemently opposed due to the irreversible and contagious nature of handing any power whatsoever to the undead. I can think of no adequate checks and balances capable of safeguarding against this scenario.

On behalf of the ZombieDance (formerly ZXZW) Film Festival, we would like to welcome the inclusion of Zombie Reagan in the 2004 election.

For the 2005 ZombieDance (formerly ZXZW) Film Festival, we hereby create a “Zombie Reagan” category which will now be eligible for our Golden Zombie award.

We hope that soon a Zombie Reagan can stand next to Zombie JFK (from “The Collegians Are Go!!”) and say to the world,

“MAAAAAAHHHH!!!”

Yours,
Nathan McGinty
Slowkid Productions
www.flojo.com

As a long-suffering victim of “zombie-hating” Liberals, I think it is about time we had a zombie in the Whitehouse. I’ve been a zombie for over forty years, and as a long time NRA spokesman, when I say, “From my cold dead hands”, I really mean it. Look, we’re letting gays get married, coloreds vote, and women have jobs outside the home. You would think the equal opportunity liberals would embrace a zombie for Vice President. Well I say an American is an American. I doesn’t matter that their body temperature is as cold as Ann Coulter’s heart!

Sincerely,
Charleton Heston

P.S. Could somebody give me Michael Moore’s phone number? I’d like to invite him over for a little “brain-food”.

In the post-9/11 world, we are engaged in a number of wars that will never end. The War on Drugs and the War on Terror (to give just two examples) are against invincible, immortal enemies. We need leadership in this country that is also invincible and immortal, or we can never prevail. That’s why I will be voting Bush-Zombie Reagan this November.

As a life-long Republican and film cineaste I must thank you for your efforts. How better to highlight the long and distinguished career of the man behind “Bedtime for Bonzo”, Star Wars (SDI, not the film), and Iran-Contra than to get the Gipper to give it one more shot.

This is the perfect ticket. On one hand you have a famous Zombie on the other you have a stumbling, ineffectual, Fundamentalist Christian fanatic showing American the RIGHT direction. God bless you and your efforts — the Lord is on our side.

One Party, One Country, One Zombie!

Regards,
Tim Jordan

Dear Sir,

Mummies for Bush welcomes the addition of Zombie-Reagan to the Republican ticket. We would also urge the newly formed administration to consider some mummified candidates for cabinet positions.

Or, if the current cabinet is to be retained, we suggest that they be mummified after “death” in order to retain their posts. Greenspan isn’t getting any younger, and we’re all surprised that Rehnquist has made it this long.

In short, mummification is yet another premium option for any administration supporting the status quo.

Sincerely,
Mummies for Bush
1330 Connecticut Ave
Washington, DC

Bringing great leaders back from the dead and making them politick zombies is just the kinda thing to scare the crap outta pinko Democrats.

What can Kerry ‘The Soldier’ do to the undead? Zero, that’s what.

You’ve got my vote!

Keep up the good work!

Guy Gooberman

I, for one, am ECSTATIC that Reagan has joined the ticket post mortem. He will add a dimension to the ticket that no one else could quite provide. He will give the ticket a balance that will ensure success. He will be the “go to guy” during the campaign. When reporters want eloquence, there will finally be someone who can deliver! Neither Bush nor Cheney have been able to respond beyond either jingoistic Pablum or outright fabrication; however, the great communicator will be able to captivate the American electorate once again!

BUSH-ZOMBIEREAGAN IN ‘04! Rebirth in America!

Once again we see the folly of the two-party system. Now that John Kerry has announced Zombie Lyndon Johnson as his running mate, we the American voters are once again trapped by corporate interests into voting for an undead candidate no matter whom we choose. That’s why I’m supporting Ralph Nader, who has boldly chosen a werewolf as his running mate. If there’s a full moon on Nov 4th, we so have this election won.

— A concerned citizen

“Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office. If George W. Bush were to die during his second term (say, by being eaten by Zombie Reagan), three options exist: the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the Presidency, Congress would convene to elect a new President or the President would undergo the zombification process and complete his term.”

The 22nd Amendment.

The 22nd ammendment only prevents you from being elected president more than two times, not holding the office. Also, option 2 would be illegal as Congress could only attempt to pass a law to make a president, not elect one.

Sickos. Reagan will be skull-fucking you in Hell.

I want an exclusive.

Matt Drudge

June 9, 2004

Screaming Zombie Reagan

1/4 oz rum
1 oz orange juice
2 oz sweet-n-sour
1/4 oz Myers Dark rum
1/4 oz Bacardi Select rum

Instructions: Place 3 licorice Jelly Belly jelly beans in the bottom of a shot glass. Pour rum, orange juice and sweet-n-sour, float the last 2 alcohols. Say, “well…” and take a shot.

I think it’s inspiring to see a leader like Ex-Dead-President Reagan, who is such a great patriot that he reanimates within a week of his death, and just in time to help President Bush lead America to greatness.

I have faith that Zombie Reagan still possesses the astute political mind we all loved him for, even if it’s now dried up and gray and crumbling around the edges. Just like we remember it!

Zombie Reagan will make an excellent vice-president. Since George Bush doesn’t have enough brains to make a decent meal, he will be safe in Zombie Reagan’s capable, if green and peeling, hands.

Dear Webmaster,

Firstly I must say your site is ingenious, beyond that I have a question about the mental stability of vp candidate Zombie Reagan (well I have a question about the mental stability of president Bush, but who in their right mind doesn’t?) Would the reincarnation of Reagan suffer from alzheimer disease as his living counterpart did? I have spoken with some alzheimer striken zombies, and honestly it was like talking to the dead. I don’t feel that a forgetful zombie would be the best candidate to become puppet master to one mister Bush….

Thank you,
Katie Harlow

Dear Sirs:

While I greatly admire your valiant efforts for the good of the Republican Party and the United States of America, I wanted to point out one small error of Constitutional interpretation which appears on your Frequently Asked Questions page. While you state “Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office,” the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution, which establishes Presidential term limits clearly states that “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice”. It says nothing about serving in the office more than twice, if someone should ascend to that office by other means than direct election. This matter has been the subject of some serious discussion in the popular press, as certain Democratic partisans have floated the idea of former President William J. Clinton as a possible running mate for John Kerry.

Other than that small oversight, very good work—keep it up.

Yours truly,
Thomas

Dear Campaign Managers:

I would just like to voice my complete and unqualified support for the addition of Zombie Reagan to the Bush candidacy. As a member of the video gaming community, I would like to add that Reagan is now officially the only President of the United States to star in a video game and return from the grave as a reanimated corpse who stalks the living (I guess that, as a zombie, you play out the same routines as you once did in life). Keep up the great work, God bless America, and let me know if I can be of assistance in any way (stuffing envelopes, distributing leaflets, etc.).

Cheers!

Sincerely,
Seth “Fingers” Flynn Barkan

In our great nation of astronauts, policemen and food-service workers, we are all bound together by our common right: the right to vote (except for ex-felons). This binding force is much like the binding Force from the popular science fiction movie “Star Wars,” in which the noble hero Luke Skywalker takes on the dreaded and oppressive British Empire. This story can be seen as an allegory of the individual’s struggle for democracy throughout the ages, culminating in 1987 with the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the destruction of the Death Star by colonists dressed as Native Americans, led by time-traveling president Ronald Reagan. How dare you, sir, defile the greatest President, nay, the greatest Man this country has ever let loose from its shining, glorious bowels. Thanks to people like you, the secret to time travel has been lost forever in the depths of space. I place a pox on you and your family. Thank you for our time.

Jim McGee

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Letters The Letters section is now closed to new submissions. Thanks to everybody who sent their thoughts and support. June 22, 2004 Sirs Oh what a terrible website. You horrible people. How could you have so little respect for Reagan and his loved ones? Especially since America is still mourning the loss of our great president. How tasteless and egregiously offensive. I’m shocked and sickened by…oh wait, I get it ! So he’s not dead after all. In that case keep up the great work. Please wake me when it’s Morning in America again. yours Col. Leggi Mountbatten. June 18, 2004 Maybe they will appoint zombie strom to his Cabinet. Strom died in the early 80’s and the government decided not to tell anyone. So he already has zombie experience in the White House. Do you think the White House could handle two zombies at once? Or do you think Strom and Ronnie would attack people on the tours? They both ate so many brains when they were alive, what are a few tourist a week? Dear Sirs, Congratulations on an excellent website. I applaud your heroic campaign and your brave vision of openly undead leadership in 2004. Astonishingly forward thinking. Our nation is in your debt. I wonder if you may lend me your ears, sirs for a moment. After President Reagan’s recent five year long funeral drew to a close ( I myself could not attend, through no fault of my own - mourners were shuffling too slowly past his sarcophagus. This rather annoyed me at the time, but I believe now that this perambulation, this shambling and shuffling was performed out of respect for the undead, an act steeped in Zombie symbolism) I realised that a chapter in our great Nation’s history had drawn to a close. Like most of my fellow Americans, this troubled me a great deal. Looking back on those dark days immediately after Reagan’s ‘funeral’, I believe I began to form in my mind a kind of notional vision of America’s future in the 21st century. Certainly at that time it was not a clear idea, more a sort of dark, malformed cloud. With hindsight, I think it’s fair to say that something was brewing in all of our minds. During the following days, this vision gradually became clearer in the nation’s collective psyche - though it was not openly discussed in the liberal media of course (the real issues in America never are.) And at that time, I think we all instinctively knew what needed to be done. It was nothing less than national unity, in the greatest nation on Earth- everyone was thinking and feeling the SAME THING with a supreme perspicacity!! It was incredible - a nation as one, clear on it’s direction and aims. Yes. Yet still, no one would come forward, to say what needed to be said. Finally, one brave website came forward to voice what had been, up to that point in tiime, only discussed behind closed doors with our loved ones and most trusted confidantes. That message, that bold new vision? - that the real “Project for the New American Century” must begin here and now with one swift and decisive masterstroke - the immediate reanimation of the corpse of Ronald Reagan and it’s re-installation in the White House. The way forward has never been clearer. A new American century indeed sirs. But what will this mean for the rest of the world?? To place this epochal event in a global perspective: America can once again be at the forefront of global technological innovation in death defying reanimative techniques. We can resume our place centerstage in world affairs and restore our lost respect around the globe by following Reagan’s tried and trusted considered political ideology, that of “Compassionate Zombieism.” And as for exporting the American “way of life” and our values around the world - we shall be an inspiration for the resurrection of deceased leaders the world over. In fact this has already begun - Mr Michael Howard MP, leader of the Conservative Party in the United Kingdom, has recently accquired the rights to reanimate another great leader from the 1980’s, Lady Magaret Thatcher, as and when this becomes necessary. When that time comes, I understand that Zombie Thatcher shall be at the centre of his party’s bid for a return to Government. “The Iron Zombie”, as she shall be known on the campaign trail, back in partnership with her shuffling partner Zombie Reagan shall undoubtedly mark the beginning of a new dusk in world affairs. I, for one, can barely conceal my excitement at the thought of the falling of this glorious night. Those Massachusetts liberals shall no longer hide under cover of darkness! Ah but to practical matters, sirs. As for the competition - I notice that some of our more astute friends have written to the site alluding to the possibility of Democrat candidate Kerry’s undead status.This is patently not the case. It’s true that through some extraordinary demonstration of nature’s cruelty, he has a natural Zombie look and feel about him, but he is not in fact a bona fide reanimated, flesh eating, living dead night crawler. At first glance, a man who so strongly resembles the living dead seems an odd choice for Presidential candidate. But as usual, the Democrats are vote pandering and flip flopping, reneging on their 2000 campaign promise to get tough on the undead and the causes of reanimation. This promise was never a popular one, as it alienated conservative southern “bible belt” Zombies* who may have otherwise swung to the Democrats over their other election promise of free limbs and surgical offcuts for all Zombies below the poverty line (those liberals and their state handouts! you’ll also notice brazen flip flopping in the same election manifesto!!) Thus, in a transparent attempt to pander to the all important reanimated demographic they have picked a Herman Munster lookalike as their candidate. Therefore, much needs to be made of Zombie Reagan’s genuinely reanimated state when we slog it out on the campaign trail this summer. Perhaps we could even feed Zombie Reagan during one the live televised debates nearer election day - fake Zombie Kerry will certainly not be able to match that. It would surely be a coup de grace, scooping up the undead swing voters and the various unholy fringe elements who are not yet convinced of the need for a shambling night crawler as “cadaver in chief.” They need to know that Zombie Reagan’s really just an everyday creature of the night, just like them. Then they’ll vote for him. One caveat though - from a practical standpoint come the election. They may shamble aimlessly around in undeath, but we cannot allow them to do the same on polling day. Polling stations must be kept plentifully stocked with brains to maintain their interest. Every vote counts! No campaign can be won without fundraising, even given the novelty appeal an undead candidate will enjoy. May I propose you set up a campaign fundraising section on your website, a place where Patriotic Americans like myself can donate to the cause, lopping off a limb or two, slicing off a spouse’s ear perhaps, axing an appendage eg trimming off a toe - that kind of thing. It would not be such a big price to pay after all. Especially enthusiastic donors should be encouraged to donate brains of course - for as we know brains shall be at the heart of his election campaign. I would like to get the ball rolling as it were by donating the 90% of my brain that apparently is not used in everyday life. I hope that this can foster similar outpourings from my fellow Americans, for such an important cause as this I believe we could all stand to give at least a third of our brains. Our nation would not suffer a marked or otherwise noticeable drop in productivity. Finally, might I suggest a catchy slogan, something to both appeal to voter patriotism and exploit fears over homeland security, for example “vote Bush/Zombie Reagan - because America is at deathcom one.” This would undoubtedly be an effective fundraising tool. I also believe it would be helpful to bolster voter confidence in the undead by showing that Zombie Reagan is a discerning wraith, a corpse of taste and style - one who will eat only the brains and the more toothsome body parts, discarding the remainder and donating it to less fortunate reanimates. To show this, may I suggest the slogan “No child’s left behind.” Should there be any vacancies on your campaign management team I would certainly wish to contribute. Once again sirs I congratulate you. Keep up the good work. By working together and “staying the corpse” as one of our associates put it on your slogans page, come November we can all look forward to Morning in America, again. most sincerely Miss Colattely Sisters * the so-called “bible belt” Zombies are the most vocal, the most politically active of all the undead. They conisder reanimation a God given right, as shown by the miracles in the Bible. Their own candidate in the 2000 election was none other than the oldest night stalker of them all - Zombie Lazarus. He secured over three quarters of the crucial southern Zombie fringe in polls during the run up to the election. However, his campaign fell apart soon after he did and what was left of him was forced to withdraw in different directions. Are people in this country that frickin stupid and fickle! That is a rhetorical question, because the obvious answer is YES! I cannot believe that the remorse and nostalgia for a former President is enough to sway the American public, or a portion of it, to believe that our current President is somehow a better leader because of the death of Reagan. Come on people… Let’s keep our eyes on the ball here. Reagan’s death does not erase any of W’s faults, errors and flagrant lies to the American people. Does Reagan’s death somehow erase the fact that this week the 9/11 panel overwhelmingly released data that showed NO LINK at all between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda, and that President Dumb-ya went out on the White House lawn yesterday and again claimed that their was a link? He is still trying to sell us on the idea that he was a threat because he was harboring and supplying terrorists. Does Reagan’s death forgive him of those sins somehow? Does Reagan’s death make it OK that he lied in order to scare the American public into supporting a war that never should have happened? Does Reagan’s death wash the blood over 1,000 American soldiers and countless Iraqi citizens off his hands? Does a funeral procession make it possible for us all to forget the abuse of Iraqi prisoners at the hands of our leaders? And there’s more….so much more. We have 3 friends left in NATO because of the war. We are not trusted. We are the rouge nation. We have become the unpredictable superpower that could lash out at any minute. We are the Soviet Union of the 80’s. I know that is an oversimplification, but that is how the world sees us. Doe’s President Reagan’s death make that OK? We have pulled out of every treaty that we didn’t like, or more to the point, the power of this administration didn’t like. We are a threat to our own and the world at large…militarily, economically, environmentally…and on, and on, and on. Republican’s get all up in arms over a blow-job, but the loss of millions of jobs, the bald-face lies to cause war, and the inevitable loss of innocent life are OK? How hypocritical! That blow-job DID NOT KILL ANYONE! The people that hang their hats on that crap are out of their minds! Do they really equate these things as equal? If they do, then this country is in an even sadder state of affairs that I had originally thought. How is it possible that people can believe we are the protectors and the deliverers of Democracy for the world, when we can’t even defend it on our own land? The Patriot Act! Are you kidding me? That act is not patriotic. Our forefathers must have each rolled over in their graves when they heard that name. That piece of hateful legislation makes George Orwell’s Big Brother possible. It takes away your rights to freedom of speech! That is NOT democracy! Iraq is NOT democracy. The false hopes of democracy in Iraq were lost forever when our leaders decided that it was OK to violate the Geneva conventions by torturing and sexually humiliating those prisoners. I wasn’t proud of America that day, were you? Did President Reagan’s State Funeral make all of that go away? It didn’t for me, did it for you? I am not proud of Halliburton! Did Reagan’s burial on the coast, overlooking the Pacific ocean somehow erase the fact that Halliburton was handed on a silver platter the right to rebuild Iraq? As his casket was carried from the Capitol, did we all sigh and forgive the BILLIONS of dollars the massive corporation has stolen from the Federal government? Did the average, middle class American somehow figure the 300.00 tax cut they got from President Bush was worth mortgaging the futures of their children and bankrupting Social Security and Medicare? Were all those FACTS erased as the eulogies began? I just don’t get it! And let me clarify, for those of you who think me disrespectful, inappropriate, or out of place. I am by no means criticizing, glazing over, or in any other way casting doubt on the Presidency of Ronald Reagan. I liked him too. I am criticizing you, your beliefs or the lack thereof. I am questioning the patriotism of the American populace. I am questioning our current President. I am asking why aren’t you questioning him? How many of you love him because he wears his religious belief on his sleeve? How do the faithful reconcile the murder and lying he has committed? Are those not also sins? Does the Bible somewhere forgive all Presidential transgressions when a former President dies? I didn’t learn about that? Did you? Religious faith does not translate to leadership. Or does it? Many of you seem to think so. I am sick to death of people calling him, and liking him, because he is “moral” or he has “morals.” Um…hello…as Governor of Texas, he sent more death-row inmates to their deaths than anyone before or after him. Is that entirely moral, not really. Is it morally acceptable to hold a press conference with the nation and scare the crap out of the populace so you can go kill thousands based on a lie? Is it moral not to be willing, under any circumstance, to apologize for any of your mistakes? Where is the morality, where is the humility in the face of God? I am not seeing it, and more to the point, politically, it doesn’t matter if I do! Separation of church and state…heard of it? Good. I am dumbfounded by how willing people are to ignore the things that are FACTS before their eyes! I am floored that we have forgotten about all the American servicemen and women who are in Iraq for what seems to be an obvious reason…oil! I am amazed at the bigotry of this nation in the name of God…the Christian version. Has everyone forgotten that this country was founded because of religious prosecution? We have spent generations proudly speaking of the “melting pot” and now(!) this country seems to have forgotten about the separation of church and state. We live in a place were the average American citizen is willing to believe everything they hear on the news. News is not news in this nation. It’s propaganda. More to the point, it’s entertainment! It is driven by ratings and MONEY! If you wish to know the truth, don’t watch cable news. Don’t subscribe to the “no-spin zone.” It’s all spin! It’s brainwashing. Wanna be educated about the politicians. Don’t watch Bush or Kerry’s ads and then go spouting off like you have learned a fact. Go to factcheck dot org and see the real truth. Do some homework. Take the time. Don’t make the excuse that you don’t have it. We all have the time to do that. Isn’t your future a priority? You plan for retirement don’t you? Well, this process is a very important part of your retirement, so pay attention! Every election is about choosing a leader that you feel will do the best thing for this nation. Every election is about making choices based on what is best for you, best for your fellow man, and best for the legacy of this great nation. Every election is about questions, answered and not…and how to see the difference. Every election is about us. It is about what the candidates have done, not what they promise to do. It’s about voting records. Its about reality, not TV ads. And I am going to keep sending these emails and hope, in the back of my mind, you each send them of to your friends, even if you don’t agree. Because this dialog is too important to ignore. Polite about politics was buried with Reagan. He was the father of the partisan fight in America, and he took the idea of respectful debate to his grave with him. He was a forceful and artful salesman. He was the modern originator of spin. He can finally rest in peace, but we cannot. Our president is NOT at peace. He is war with the very fiber of this nation, and he is changing it in ways that should anger EVERY American! Who we are as a nation is at stake, and I will continue to challenge everyone I know, like minded or not, until I feel like we are giving the political process the thoughtful respect is not only deserves, but demands! Otherwise we are all cattle on the way to slaughter. I know that is how politicians view us, but I do not accept that as my destiny. My vote. Your vote. Every vote. Counts! President Reagan has rode off into the sunset, we are still here! June 17, 2004 I highly recommend a novel by Phil Nutman called “Wet Work”, came out about 12 years ago or so. Eerily similar to what you guys are talking about. I feel I must point out that the zombification causing virus (solanum) is what kills the victim. So Reagan, being dead, is out. I say, we get a sample of the virus, and infect… Ann Coulter! Surely she would be biased, greedy, and well connected enough for the G.O.P. There are no possible problems! They say the rich are so “evil”, but here you are dancing on Reagans grave to promote yourself and your website. I guess you’re no better than the puppet on the Right. June 16, 2004 I find your website deeply offensive. If there’s any justice in the world, Reagan will not be allowed to join the noble ranks of the undead but will instead be reincarnated as a homeless person with AIDS. JP How could you create such a website? Not only is it offensive to the Reagan family who just lost their loved one, it is also offensive to the rest of the country. Whether or not you liked Ronald Reagan as a president (I have no real opinion because I was just a young child at the time) you should respect him and his family enough to not put this up. You should be shamed of yourself. I am not going to si here and tell you to take it down, because you have the freedom of speech to put this up. However, with my freedom of speech I am not going to sit by and watch someone bash a former leader of the U.S. I hope that you realize that what you are doing is wrong especially since it was done so soon after Reagan’s death. Steve Ryan June 15, 2004 A few questions: First is it true that President Bush selected Reagan not because of his abilities, which have been waning for some time, but as a ploy to split the monster vote currently held by The Predator? Is it possible that Bush selected a running mate with a very low body temperature in a direct attempt to interfere with The Predator’s reliance on thermal vision? How was VP candidate Reagan reanimated? If it was through a horrible accident involving chemicals he only loses the environmental vote, which he never really had. If it was through dark magic or the misuse of some revoloutionary biotechnology he risks alienating the religious right which has had issues againt certain technologies such as cloning and can be downright hostile against minority religions such as Petwo rite Vodou. — DK June 14, 2004 Dear Sirs: Are there any plans for Zombie John Wayne? The Republic’s future would be forever secure if this were to come to pass. L. W. Orme P.S. Leave Walt Disney in the liquid nitrogen-his reanimation would only screw things up. Hello, I would like to begin by stating that I am only a meager 15 years of age, and sadly, unable to vote. I have been following politics for some time now, but sort of missed out on Mr. Reagan’s eight glorious years restoring our dignity and confidence from the Oval Office. However, when I read earlier this month that the former president had passed away, I was extremely excited. For too long has Mr. Reagan been trapped in the prison of Alzhiemer’s Disease. Truly, like that dude from Weekend at Bernie’s, he’s going to live more dead than he was alive. Excuse me, undead. I heard that teh 40th President was dead and I just lept up and said, “Allright! Now he can be reanimated as a flesh eating corpse and run for public office again!” Thanks to your hard efforts, this dream can come true. But I do have one question. I have never supported President Bush. In fact, I absolutely dispise the man from a political standpoint. It takes a damn good VP to make me say, “Eh, if I could vote, maybe I’d vote for him.” Reagan was good, sure, and his body is newly dead and all, but at 93, I can’t help but think that maybe the remains of someone younger would be just as fresh, albiet a tad dirty. Take John F. Kennedy for instance. He may have swung a bit to the right, but a zombie’s really just a figurehead anyway. He’ll be too busy eating people to push policies. Richard Nixon? ….maybe not. Oh, I know! What about Sonny Bono. He only died a few years ago, plus he can sing better than Ronald Reagan. Heck, if the walking dead can be on Presidential ticket, why not Dracula, the Wolf-Man, or even The Incredible Hulk? I think this opens doors, people, doors. Maybe Reagan isn’t the best choice, but the shuffling, parasite-ridden bags of embalment need to be represented. After all, they’re Americans too. Sincerly, Max Vande Vaarst I don’t understand the big deal about “He’s dead! He’s dead!.” He had Alzeimer’s. He doesn’t even know he’s dead. Are you part of the USSR? The Undead Squishies Socialist Republic? I think that’d be awesome. I’d vote. In times like these, with a war in Afghanistan and one in Iraq, we need a commander-in-chief with a proven track record of military victory. That’s why the Dead Citizens Party has nominated Zombie-George Washington to be the next president. Although he is disappointed in Zombie-Reagan’s decision to side with the living, we are pleased to announce that Zombie-Abraham Lincoln is crossing party lines to be his running mate. Please note that Zombie-Washington was born before the 22nd amendment… WAY before! We believe the Constitution allows him to serve an additional term in office because of this. And anyway, the Dead Citizens Committee can always dig up enough votes to overturn that pesky amendment. We invite you to an official announcement, followed by a meal of brains on the half-skull and a concert by the Dead Kennedys. Dead Citizens Committee Dear Sirs: It is imperative that Lucio Fulci is hired as Director of Communications and Gratuitous Gore. L. W. Orme June 13, 2004 I wholeheartedly endorse the Bush-ZombieReagan campaign and I feel certain that they will win the election and go on to produce great historical achievements in their next four years in office. I am confident that together they will be an unstoppable duo, crusading for the triumph of liberty, democracy, and tax cuts while killing a truly magnificent number of our hordes of enemies. Bush will create mountains of corpses the world over with his “Precision / Shock and Awe” bombing technique, and ZombieReagan will be right there behind him, devouring the brains of these corpses with an appetite that is rivaled only by his own appetite for Freedom. It brings a tear to my eye just to imagine it. Given that I (and most people - the majority of people of course being devoted Reagan fans) believe that the scenario I’ve outlined is a certainty, I feel I must give some voice to a concern of mine regarding how we as a nation are going to memorialize Reagan / ZombieReagan as truly the greatest hero and corpse of a hero in the recorded history of civilization. Consider a few years back when the Post Office was issuing postage stamps to honor Elvis Presely. The public was faced with a choice; which portrait was going to be used - the so-called “Fat Elvis” of his late career or the “Young Elvis” of the 1950’s? As this debate raged on across the nation, it caused an incredible divide amongst our citizenry and served to fan the flames of hatred between supporters of these opposing factions, resulting in rioting and violence on several occasions. I propose that we address this problem in advance with Reagan / ZombieReagan tributes and memorials and honors in order to avoid this kind of public uproar and controversy. For example, who will we be putting on the face of the $10 bill, $20 bill, dime, half-dollar etcetera? Reagan’s portrait or ZombieReagan’s? It has to be one or the other, clearly, but which one? It will be difficult to choose. Whose gigantic, grinning visage is going to be chiseled over Roosevelt’s on Mount Rushmore? Reagan or ZombieReagan? It would be best to begin discussing this now, so the artists and sculptors can start their planning. I’m sure you see my point here, I could go on and on listing the various different situations where this will have to be decided, as we replace nearly all of the pictures or statues of every other historical personage in America with that of Reagan and/or ZombieReagan in order to accord them the degree of honor and acclaim they truly deserve. I propose that we as concerned citizens bring these questions to the forefront of public dialogue sooner rather than later. Onward to Victory, —- Ned Kelly, St. Paul Minnesota Have a little class. The man was president of the United States or doesn’t that mean anything to you? I bet your a Clinton loving, non church goer that thinks his affair with another woman was ok. How do you liberals do it? I mean really how do you live with yourself. That’s pretty slick, but you don’t fool me. I know for a fact that Ronald Reagan hasn’t existed as a real person since the mid-70s at the latest. You know how Big Brother was created to put a human face on the Inner Party? Same thing with Reagan, only it was for Wall Street and the Pentagon. At some point a team of computer geeks in a basement at Ft. Meade put together a composite of ’50s sitcom dads, and ran a series of synthetic voice prototypes past focus groups (all people without living near relations, of course, so they wouldn’t be missed), to get just the right reassuring, avuncular quality. Reagan was just an earlier version of Max Headroom. Don’t you think it was awfully convenient that he developed a debilitating disease, right after he ceased to be useful, that prevented him making public appearances? You may be asking yourself, “is he really suggesting that the guy in Bedtime for Bonzo and GE Theater was a fake all along?” Not necessarily. Remember, in the Illuminatus! Trilogy, how somebody noticed the presidental portraits of Washington didn’t match his earlier images? It turned out that Adam Weishaupt, founder of the Bavarian Illuminati, murdered the real George Washington and took his place sometime between the Treaty of Paris and his first inaugural. Same thing may have happened with Reagan. But whatever the exact timeline, by the ’80s Reagan was as fake as that picture of Uncle Ben on a box of rice. Best, Kevin June 12, 2004 You guys laugh now but Monday the 14th (Flag day) at sundown, he will rise from the dead. Hannity, Limbaugh, Michael Reagan will be there and then you will see……all you big Liberals. Reagan is God…. George W. Goering. Just one minor correction/change to suggest: If Tricky Dick Cheney is indeed bathing in the blood of republican virgins to maintain his pacemaker-death-grip on the Vice Presidency, his is not an original idea. As we have learned in the terrain (and from T.Bogg), Ann “Anntichrist” Coulter has been bathing in the blood of young virgins (and the occasional old maid, when supplies run thin) since 1867. So if Tricky Dick wants to keep his supplies up, he’d better start tipping Ann the occasional bucket o’ blood here and there. Also, when reading your “slogans” page, I laughed so hard that my cats jumped up and ran into the wall. Both of them. Simoultaneously. And yes, I keep my doors locked at night so that Ann won’t mistake me for an old maid (I believe that intact “virginity” is required to wear the actual title of “old maid”, so I wouldn’t qualify) and suck the blood right out of me. You never know when that psycho-harpie undead-cunt may be lurking in the bushes, desperate for a blood fix. Signed, Joanna E. Beattie aka “Anntichrist Coulter” I think you are doing our nation a grave disservice by trying to draft Ronald Reagan’s re-animated corpse as Vice President. In particular, your legal analysis is off. Is a dead Saint Ronnie the same person as a live Saint Ronnie was? Arguably, no! (And do you really think that the same Supreme Court that appointed our Great Leader George W. Bush as President would not agree with my legal analysis?!). As a highly trained lawyer who has signed off on memos saying the President can set aside torture laws anytime he feels like it, I can assure you that it is both legal and proper for Ronald Reagan’s re-animated corpse to be President. Given that, why don’t we just run him for President again? Georgie assures me that he’ll step down at the convention and run for Vice President if we can get Reagan on the campaign trail again. And think of the savings in campaign literature costs — we could re-use all of the Reagan-Bush ‘84 campaign literature again, just paste a “0” over the “8”! No no, I say let’s skip the Veep spot for Saint Ronnie’s re-animated corpse, and go straight for the bigg one: President. Four more years! Let’s hear it for the Gipper! Yours in Legal Scholarship, The Attorney General of the Untied States of America http://asscroft.blogspot.com As a citizen concerned with the direction of technological progress in the medical arena, I must protest the Bush/Zombie Reagan 2004 campaign. The researchers pursuing cryogenics and cloning advancements are sure to experience massive funding cut backs unless Zombie Reagan becomes a political embarrassment, and we know the ultra nationalist media will never allow Zombie Reagan to be vilified. In the spirit of preserving vital technological progress I beg the G.O.P. to reconsider it’s options. Sincerely, Ted Williams As is fitting for a man who makes his living from the resurrection trade (grave robbery, to the vulgar), I have always voted for the most bellicose and dim witted candidates available. This year will be no exception and I will enter the booth with more hope than usual. At long last, there is a team whose proven expertise will ensure a extraordinarily productive four years. Past performance is truly a guide to future results with a pair like them. My trade is not considered respectable by the politically correct, but Bush/Zombie Reagan’s contribution to my bottom line will more than make up for the social discomfort I sometimes feel in so-called “decent” company. What’s more, I am certain Zombie Reagan will bring an unprecedented level of understanding to the needs of professionals like me. His unique qualifications guarantee it. In closing, I wish to thank the Bush/Zombie Reagan 2004 organizers for their support of my dream ticket. To the haters and naysayers who may write in I say, “for shame! Your anti-zombie attitude marks you as members of the blame America first crowd”. Warmest regards, Harry I wholeheartedly support the zombiereagan-bush team for ‘04, but I am an American, and I do ultimately believe in the spirit of fair play. To this end, I do therefor nominate for the Democratic ticket John Fitzgerald “half-head” Kennedy (no 22nd Amendment struggles here-if you recall, he didn’t quite make it through his first term). For his running mate, I would have suggested a father-son ticket, but I’m not sure of the feasibility of re-animating someone after a 5000 foot free fall and subsequent high-speed impact with water. In the immortal words of Mick Jagger-“You can’t always get what you want…” Respectfully submitted, Trent Selthun June 11, 2004 You guys have a complete lack of class. Why would you want to shame yourselves this way? It would be all over the news and cat calls from you libs if the shoe were on the other foot. No wonder the Democrat Party is in the downward spiral it is… It has nothing to offer but moral bankruptcy… I would be embarrassed to be associated with this type of hellish behavior. Whatever you think of President Reagan’s policy, you don’t have to make it personal. I think Jimmy Carter was an awful President, yet I recognize that he is a good man in his heart. I can say with great confidence that the conservative side of the equation will not involve itself in the sickening parody at the expense of a man who cannot defend himself… but then again… he needs no defense… Michael Bryant June 10, 2004 It is said that whenever Lyndon Johnson ran for office, the dead rose to cast their votes, because many Texas counties regularly recorded more votes for Johnson than they had living inhabitants. This historical fact always led me to think that the Undead tended to be Democrats - perhaps due to that party’s traditional soft spot for the welfare state (because let’s face it - the Undead have a terrible time holding down jobs. I know that’s a terribly prejudicial thing to say, but the beauty of anonymous forums is that they allow us to voice us those things that all of us think, but would never say in polite company). Anyway - perhaps the fact that Reagan has brought an Undead face to the Republican Party will prove pivotal in states like Ohio and Missouri. Do I win $5? Your FAQ, under the heading “Can a zombie even hold elective office?” states: Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office. If George W. Bush were to die during his second term (say, by being eaten by Zombie Reagan), three options exist: the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the Presidency, Congress would convene to elect a new President or the President would undergo the zombification process and complete his term. However, according to the costitution of the United States, this is not actually the case. The 22nd amendment states: No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once. Note that, according to the language of the amendment, Reagan is not eligible to be ELECTED to the office of President again. In no way does it prohibit him from becoming president through other means, such as eating his President’s brain. If it were the case that he were ineligible to become President, his candidacy for vice President would be ruled out altogether by the 12th amendment, which states: But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States. In short, Zombie Reagan is likely constitutionally eligble to be both President and Vice President, though not to be elected to the former post. For a discussion of the constitutional issues involved in Zombie Reagan’s candidacy, see this article on CNN.com. Thanks, James It is heartwarming to see that the civil rights movement marches on. The history of our country has been about inclusion, of embracing diversity, not stifling it. Through the decades, as different groups of all races, gender, sexual preference, and undead condition struggle for equal rights and recognition, it is a welcome surprise to see the Republican party at the forefront of the civil rights revolution (for a change) putting the very first undead candidate for major office on their ballot. Who would have thought that the Republican party would be the one to champion this new direction in civil rights? Bravo! Hopefully this will increase awareness of the lack of undead rights both in the United States and around the world. With nothing but negative images of the undead popularized by B-grade horror movies, the undead are a source of ridicule and hatred everywhere. Naturally, this is an outrage. Zombies are people too! Thank you for showing everyone that they are fit to run for political office. Best wishes for your campaign. —PC from NC I’d like to throw my head into the ring for the Democratic vice presidential nomination. Since zombification I’ve felt the urge to return to political life and eat fresh brains. Plus I’ve got an interesting slug in my leg that I’d like to have necropsied. John Connally, deceased Great concept that will be incredibly funny 6 months to a year from now. At this point though, I think it is in extremely poor taste. Actually, Zombie Reagan could serve as president if W passed on. The XXII amendment only prevents someone from being elected president more than twice. Of course, if W died, Al Haig would be in charge until Zombie Reagan was sworn in. —VM, Virginia I’ve now examined the zombie-reagan issue properly. There are 2 main problems with the site as I see it. Sadly both of them make the prospect of a Z.R. ticket both more likely and more probable. ZR could quite legally stand for pres under the constitution as it stands. It wouldn’t even require legal bollocks akin to the recently leaked justification for dumping the Geneva Convention. Being dead would surely reset the clock. Terms served in the former RR’s lifetime would not discount him from taking-up office after death. ZR would require the brains of young republicans to sustain him. Being dead he will have no physical need for sustainance whatsoever. Of course the flipside of this is that he will nonetheless be permanently consumed by total bloodlust completely unrelated to any real need or circumstance. In other words, war and violence would be the solution proposed by his administration for every problem AND even if somehow all the world’s problems were solved by his administration this bloodlust would remain as a unique self-justifying raison d’etre. AND although under the current rules he would still be restricted to two terms in office, were his administration to alter the constitution allowing him to serve for longer, the ZR presidency would be literally eternal. We could not even await the death of ZR since he is already dead. The only possible exceptions to this would be if someone else managed to decapitate him or destroy his brain or the as yet unsubstantiated theory that zombies do eventually die if you wait long enough - i.e the time necessary for their bodies to literally disintegrate. AND this is without accounting for ZR biting but not killing either other members of the administration or even the whole electorate so as to perpetuate Z power whether or not he personally retains. So all in all, even if ZR were to come to power, serve a couple of terms and maybe initiate some useful reforms (beings with no physical needs don’t need to worry so much about climate change and Hubbert’s oil peak for example), such a move should still be vehemently opposed due to the irreversible and contagious nature of handing any power whatsoever to the undead. I can think of no adequate checks and balances capable of safeguarding against this scenario. On behalf of the ZombieDance (formerly ZXZW) Film Festival, we would like to welcome the inclusion of Zombie Reagan in the 2004 election. For the 2005 ZombieDance (formerly ZXZW) Film Festival, we hereby create a “Zombie Reagan” category which will now be eligible for our Golden Zombie award. We hope that soon a Zombie Reagan can stand next to Zombie JFK (from “The Collegians Are Go!!”) and say to the world, “MAAAAAAHHHH!!!” Yours, Nathan McGinty Slowkid Productions www.flojo.com As a long-suffering victim of “zombie-hating” Liberals, I think it is about time we had a zombie in the Whitehouse. I’ve been a zombie for over forty years, and as a long time NRA spokesman, when I say, “From my cold dead hands”, I really mean it. Look, we’re letting gays get married, coloreds vote, and women have jobs outside the home. You would think the equal opportunity liberals would embrace a zombie for Vice President. Well I say an American is an American. I doesn’t matter that their body temperature is as cold as Ann Coulter’s heart! Sincerely, Charleton Heston P.S. Could somebody give me Michael Moore’s phone number? I’d like to invite him over for a little “brain-food”. In the post-9/11 world, we are engaged in a number of wars that will never end. The War on Drugs and the War on Terror (to give just two examples) are against invincible, immortal enemies. We need leadership in this country that is also invincible and immortal, or we can never prevail. That’s why I will be voting Bush-Zombie Reagan this November. As a life-long Republican and film cineaste I must thank you for your efforts. How better to highlight the long and distinguished career of the man behind “Bedtime for Bonzo”, Star Wars (SDI, not the film), and Iran-Contra than to get the Gipper to give it one more shot. This is the perfect ticket. On one hand you have a famous Zombie on the other you have a stumbling, ineffectual, Fundamentalist Christian fanatic showing American the RIGHT direction. God bless you and your efforts — the Lord is on our side. One Party, One Country, One Zombie! Regards, Tim Jordan Dear Sir, Mummies for Bush welcomes the addition of Zombie-Reagan to the Republican ticket. We would also urge the newly formed administration to consider some mummified candidates for cabinet positions. Or, if the current cabinet is to be retained, we suggest that they be mummified after “death” in order to retain their posts. Greenspan isn’t getting any younger, and we’re all surprised that Rehnquist has made it this long. In short, mummification is yet another premium option for any administration supporting the status quo. Sincerely, Mummies for Bush 1330 Connecticut Ave Washington, DC Bringing great leaders back from the dead and making them politick zombies is just the kinda thing to scare the crap outta pinko Democrats. What can Kerry ‘The Soldier’ do to the undead? Zero, that’s what. You’ve got my vote! Keep up the good work! Guy Gooberman I, for one, am ECSTATIC that Reagan has joined the ticket post mortem. He will add a dimension to the ticket that no one else could quite provide. He will give the ticket a balance that will ensure success. He will be the “go to guy” during the campaign. When reporters want eloquence, there will finally be someone who can deliver! Neither Bush nor Cheney have been able to respond beyond either jingoistic Pablum or outright fabrication; however, the great communicator will be able to captivate the American electorate once again! BUSH-ZOMBIEREAGAN IN ‘04! Rebirth in America! Once again we see the folly of the two-party system. Now that John Kerry has announced Zombie Lyndon Johnson as his running mate, we the American voters are once again trapped by corporate interests into voting for an undead candidate no matter whom we choose. That’s why I’m supporting Ralph Nader, who has boldly chosen a werewolf as his running mate. If there’s a full moon on Nov 4th, we so have this election won. — A concerned citizen “Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office. If George W. Bush were to die during his second term (say, by being eaten by Zombie Reagan), three options exist: the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the Presidency, Congress would convene to elect a new President or the President would undergo the zombification process and complete his term.” The 22nd Amendment. The 22nd ammendment only prevents you from being elected president more than two times, not holding the office. Also, option 2 would be illegal as Congress could only attempt to pass a law to make a president, not elect one. Sickos. Reagan will be skull-fucking you in Hell. I want an exclusive. Matt Drudge June 9, 2004 Screaming Zombie Reagan 1/4 oz rum 1 oz orange juice 2 oz sweet-n-sour 1/4 oz Myers Dark rum 1/4 oz Bacardi Select rum Instructions: Place 3 licorice Jelly Belly jelly beans in the bottom of a shot glass. Pour rum, orange juice and sweet-n-sour, float the last 2 alcohols. Say, “well…” and take a shot. I think it’s inspiring to see a leader like Ex-Dead-President Reagan, who is such a great patriot that he reanimates within a week of his death, and just in time to help President Bush lead America to greatness. I have faith that Zombie Reagan still possesses the astute political mind we all loved him for, even if it’s now dried up and gray and crumbling around the edges. Just like we remember it! Zombie Reagan will make an excellent vice-president. Since George Bush doesn’t have enough brains to make a decent meal, he will be safe in Zombie Reagan’s capable, if green and peeling, hands. Dear Webmaster, Firstly I must say your site is ingenious, beyond that I have a question about the mental stability of vp candidate Zombie Reagan (well I have a question about the mental stability of president Bush, but who in their right mind doesn’t?) Would the reincarnation of Reagan suffer from alzheimer disease as his living counterpart did? I have spoken with some alzheimer striken zombies, and honestly it was like talking to the dead. I don’t feel that a forgetful zombie would be the best candidate to become puppet master to one mister Bush…. Thank you, Katie Harlow Dear Sirs: While I greatly admire your valiant efforts for the good of the Republican Party and the United States of America, I wanted to point out one small error of Constitutional interpretation which appears on your Frequently Asked Questions page. While you state “Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office,” the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution, which establishes Presidential term limits clearly states that “No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice”. It says nothing about serving in the office more than twice, if someone should ascend to that office by other means than direct election. This matter has been the subject of some serious discussion in the popular press, as certain Democratic partisans have floated the idea of former President William J. Clinton as a possible running mate for John Kerry. Other than that small oversight, very good work—keep it up. Yours truly, Thomas Dear Campaign Managers: I would just like to voice my complete and unqualified support for the addition of Zombie Reagan to the Bush candidacy. As a member of the video gaming community, I would like to add that Reagan is now officially the only President of the United States to star in a video game and return from the grave as a reanimated corpse who stalks the living (I guess that, as a zombie, you play out the same routines as you once did in life). Keep up the great work, God bless America, and let me know if I can be of assistance in any way (stuffing envelopes, distributing leaflets, etc.). Cheers! Sincerely, Seth “Fingers” Flynn Barkan In our great nation of astronauts, policemen and food-service workers, we are all bound together by our common right: the right to vote (except for ex-felons). This binding force is much like the binding Force from the popular science fiction movie “Star Wars,” in which the noble hero Luke Skywalker takes on the dreaded and oppressive British Empire. This story can be seen as an allegory of the individual’s struggle for democracy throughout the ages, culminating in 1987 with the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the destruction of the Death Star by colonists dressed as Native Americans, led by time-traveling president Ronald Reagan. How dare you, sir, defile the greatest President, nay, the greatest Man this country has ever let loose from its shining, glorious bowels. Thanks to people like you, the secret to time travel has been lost forever in the depths of space. I place a pox on you and your family. Thank you for our time. Jim McGee BACK
Thanks to the anonymous evil genius who suggested this idea. Between June 9th and 22nd, 2004, Bush-ZombieReagan.com raised over $300 for Alzheimer’s research. Thanks to everybody who helped! FP